we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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