I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
