Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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