elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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