I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
