Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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