Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
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