pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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