alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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