Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
