Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
