I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
