i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
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