somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
We were destined to go to rehab together
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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