Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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