is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
