I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
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