Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
