ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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