I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
