I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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