Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Too much gin, very little bucket
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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