I'm sorry my penis didn't work
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
