i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
