I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize
