The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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