Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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