he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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