This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
