I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
