When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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