So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
