I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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