You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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