I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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