I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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