I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
