I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
