I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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