I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
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