You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'm passing your future prison.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
