I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
