I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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