Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
