i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
