yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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