some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
