omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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