only you would photoshop your dick
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
