you win again, gameday.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize