dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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