He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I came so hard my ears popped.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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