it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize