last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Randomize
