like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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