we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
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