he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
