so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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