i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
