Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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