I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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