awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Randomize
