you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
