Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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