there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
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