I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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